Finally

cheeeeeze, my stupid computer wouldn’t let me post for the LONGEST time….

Well anyway! I’m so caught up in my wedding I can’t think about anything else…

I picked out all the flowers! The first guy I went to (who I won’t mention)-

No! first of all I hate when I’m paying people to do sometihng and they go off in their own world and don’t do what I ask them to!

So anyway when I told this guy I want white flowers and blue flowers and I want my bouquet to be all white! He said “Sounds great- now how do you like purple, yellow and green in there also?”

NO! THAT IS NOT WHAT I JUST ASKED YOU TO DO FOR 500 DOLLARS!

So I found someone who is doing exactly what I want for WAY cheaper!

I also picked out the bridesmaid dresses! They are perfect!

I dont want to talk about the wedding any more though…

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well I can’t think of anything else to say either…

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okay if this is all I talk about now why does Ben want to marry me?

Oh well… I’m sure I’ll find something to get hung up on after the wedding…

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10

This is a short unedited story of when I first met Ben… in the past two years he has taught me three important lessons:

1. Anything is possible
2. Ben is always right
3. Make my money work for me

It’s very weird that i’m leaving right around the same time Ben left two years ago.

Ben got a phone call at work on… (i would guess sunday… but being somewhat wiser now… it was probably) Monday September 19th, 2005 that the following Tuesday he would be leaving for basic.

I was over at my register and as soon as he hung up I remember looking over and him yelling “I’m leaving next tuesday!” ( i don’t know to who…) And I slammed my register shut. I was very mad about this.

It was three days after I turned 19, and I spent that night with Ben, Steph and some other fun characters that I’ll never forget… And it was fun. It was actually the most fun I’d ever had. And I just assumed that I’d have more weekends like that. I had no idea that reality was about to set in.

So during the next 7 days I learned how great Ben is. He does this amazing thing. He stretches out time. I know it seems like time won’t pass when you are doing the most boring thing in the world- like the day won’t end. But Ben does that with time… except he makes it really fun. So the last 7 days i had to get to know him, I learned…

“that it is pointless getting to know this kid anymore because God knows where he’ll be next!”

Okay so at first I was not willing to be Ben’s girlfriend because of him being in the military. But come on 10 days wasn’t enough for me to jump into a relationship… I haven’t spent more than 21 days at a time with Ben.

Ben did not give up. he was leaving for six plus weeks in 10 days and he was not going to let me get away that easy. He spent every day with me. and when the ten days were finally up, I was truly sad to see my friend go. I really felt like I was throwing away a good thing.

So Ben left an I felt like an asshole. Oh the day he finally left it was raining…

I spent the next two months being so depressed and writing the longest letter ever written to Ben. Ben wrote me twice while he was in Basic. I ran home every day to see if I got mail from him. I wanted to say I was sorry and I’m an asshole, and I should be his girlfriend. I wanted to know where he was, what he was doing, where he was going…

I missed him. Then one day steph and i were walking to our favorite diner (which has since burnt down) after work and she told me Ben called Rite Aid and talked to stupid Dave!! Oh now come on!! Of all the times to call Ben could think of one number to dial, he calls Rite Aid and I know it wasn’t so he could talk to freakin’ Dave! Why couldn’t I have been there???

Ben was so great? Why didn’t I jump in when he told me to?

I felt like such a moron for letting him get away.

So a few months have passed since Ben left. One day I decided to go to work and visit steph, and as it would happen Ben called.

Thankgod he could remember his old work number.

He called from Aberdeen Maryland. I was so happy to hear how close he was! I knew that he would come back soon, and that he would hang out with me like we did during those ten days! Everything was looking up.

“So when are coming home?”
“Well I can’t leave the base until blah-da-blah-blah-blah”

…WHAT!? So Ben wasn’t home for thanksgiving… However, I did get a pay phone call maybe a day or so after thanksgiving. He wanted to wish me a happy thanksgiving.

Did you ever walk by the toy store when you were little and no matter how much you pouted and screamed you knew in your heart of hearts you weren’t going to go in?

Thats how I felt. No matter how much I talked to Ben on the phone, it didn’t help, I wanted to see him, and hang out with him.

Eventually Ben got to come home.

I dont think I will ever forget him coming home. I knew he was in town, and i just felt teased and depressed I didn’t get to see him. So one night I was at work… not doing much I was just leaning on the counter pouting for my sorry self.. even though I brought it all on myself by not jumping into being Ben’s girlfriend. WHICH WASN”T A STUPID THING TO DO PEOPLE! JEEZE! I ONLY KNEW HIM FOR TEN FREAKIN’ DAYS! Who am I kidding Ben was right back then, just like he always is, I screwed up…

anyway as I was leaning on the counter I looked up to help the next Joe schmoe in line… But it wasn’t just any goofy customer… It was Ben. It wasn’t just Ben … It was Ben with WAY less hair, and WAY more muscle… It was a good Ben…

So I hugged him, and i was so happy to see him. I had my friend back and I couldn’t wait to play with him. Ben did it again, he was only home for a short amount of time but he made it last forever, and he spent lots of time with me.

So evetually I brought up what he brought up two days before he left for basic… and this is burned in my brain…

“So Ben… If you were going to introduce me to someone how would you say it”
“This is jerri.”
“this is Jerri my…”
“mechanic?”
“… … BEN!…”
“What?! You’re right I dont want you to be that.”

oh no! Ben explained to me this time he didn’t want me to be his girlfriend anymore, because he didn’t know what was going to happen to him in the year to come… Oh thats real great! Perfect as soon as I got over him going where ever the AF decided to send Ben started thinking reasonably… Perfect. Well despite Ben not wanting a girlfriend that didn’t stop him from hanging around me.

But eventually Christmas Vacay was over and ben had to go back to school in Maryland- and the day he left it was raining.

Ben eventually started coming home to visit every weekend, and i looked forward to his visits at the end of every week.

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I

I have the flu… However, I still see no need to have a flu shot.

But Ben bought me a giant box of candy, and I love candy. I really love chocolate… It makes me happy.

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January

Remember four years ago and I voted for he first time… and one of my neighbors was there and jumped out of line to scream “Congrats on your first time voting!!!!” That might be the reason I don’t want to vote for anything… might be.

New year means a hundred thousand people promising to do something to better their lives. I don’t have to wait to the beginning of every year to start doing something good for myself. Next month I’m finally going to start school. After two years of dealing with debt, saving money, moving away… I finally have the perfect time to start the rest of my life. I can’t wait. I’m tired of feeling like a loser because I don’t have a job… or I didn’t stay in college. I’m tired of it.

However, I am slightly nervous. I am afraid I lost my smart. I know sometimes I do dumb things… But not dumb like stick a fork in a outlet… dumb like stick my face over a hot skillet. What I mean is. I haven’t been learning for so long…

What if I forgot how to?

Check out my new recipes under the “Recipes” section.

PS: My resolution was to remember to brush my teeth before bed.

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being

My boss used to ask me everyday “Don’t you want to live in the world and learn to be alone?” She couldn’t understand why I wanted to get married so young.

No. I don’t. And now two weeks after ben left, I have comfirmed that.

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alias.

Don’t ever give money to anyone. No. Do

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